Let me just start out by saying, no one is perfect... but do you ever have moments where you think of yourself as the queen of imperfection? Like you can't do anything right or you can't remember the last time you did something nice for someone or you can't think of anything positive at all. Yesterday, I had a day like that. Just one of those pity party days... they don't happen very often, but OH when they do... the tears rage like a rapid river!
Despite all the encouragement from my man:
At school I was discouraged. I kept telling myself I am just not smart enough to be an engineer. At home I was discouraged. I kept telling myself that I am a horrible, mean, complaining wife, the house is an absolute wreck, and it's all my fault.
Well, the truth is that some of the above are only true some of the time (I can't say that none of the above are true because I do admit that I am mean sometimes and I complain sometimes). I prayed this morning for God to show himself to me. "God, let me see you today. I need to be reminded that you are with me, that I am your child." And guess what happened... I saw God!!!!
My mom invited us over for dinner tonight. She called as I was leaving school and asked me to pick up some rolls at the grocery store. I was standing at the bakery, staring at the 12 pack of rolls, counting how many people would be at dinner. Hmm... definitely 6 people, maybe 8 people, no maybe even 11 people... you know, I really love these rolls so I'll just get 2 packs because I know I'll want more than one roll! Check out, get in my car... as I'm reaching to close the car door a woman stops me. She tells me this story about how her and her husband only have $2 to their name and they came all the way from Texas for a promised job after losing their jobs etc. She didn't ask me for money... instead she asked me for anything, anything at all that I could do or give her. Wow, I happen to have an extra bag of rolls!!! So I gave her the rolls and she was so thankful! Upon leaving she asked, "Are you always this happy?" I thought for a second.... actually yes! How could I not be happy? I have the gift of God's grace! She said, "I knew you were a Christian. I could see it on your face."
Now talk about God showing me that I am his child! What better way for God to show me than to put that woman there to tell me she see's God in my face. I am in awe still of how amazing my God is!!! I was reminded of a sermon on Romans 8 that I heard a few years ago titled, "Be a winner. Not a whiner!" I used to wear a bracelet with this title on it... I was constantly reminded that I have nothing to whine about. I really need to find that bracelet!
I was also reminded of how spoiled I am... of how much I take for granted: my loving ( and very attractive) husband, my awesome family, my beautiful home, my new car, my health, my scholarships for school, I could go on and on... just more reasons to be a Winner, not a Whiner!!!!
Do you expect God to do great things? How has He showed himself to you?
I think we all feel this way sometimes, I'm just so thankful you opened yourself up to allowing the Lord to show Himself to you! It's true, we are beyond blessed, but it's so easy to get wrapped up in what we're not doing right, what else we could be doing to really make a difference in the world - I am guilty of it myself! We are blessed beyond measure and sometimes it takes a little humbling to remind ourselves of it. Keep writing, Real Housewife! :)
ReplyDeleteAww!!!! That is amazing!! This one really made me smile! Especially since I just got back from church :)
ReplyDeleteI have been struggling with this a lot as well, Leah. Not a good enough wife, not a good enough teacher, not a good enough friend, daughter, etc. Lots of focusing on what "I" am not, not remembering who God is and what he has already done! Thanks for sharing your experience and making it a much needed reminder for me!
ReplyDeletemake me cry while sitting in class. i'm speechless (or type-less) after this post. i'm not sure i've asked God lately to show himself to me.. i mean, i did in Ecuador, but i feel like that's expected. I need Him to show Himself here, at home.
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